How to say "No" nicely
What Happened to "No"?
Me: "It’s time to pick up your toys."
Granddaughter: "NO!"
Me: "We need to go."
GD: "NO!"
Me: "Bedtime."
GD: "NO!"
We used to be pros at using that little word. But somewhere along the way, things changed. When did it start feeling so uncomfortable? Why do we now feel the need to explain ourselves every time we say “no”?
Let’s face it—being able to say “no” is essential. It helps us protect our energy and keep our sanity intact. But how can we get better at it?
Here are a few ideas to help you reclaim your "no" with confidence:
1. Add a Touch of Politeness
A simple “No, thank you” goes a long way. It’s polite, it’s respectful, and it subtly shows appreciation for the offer—even if you’re turning it down. It softens the blow while still setting a clear boundary.
2. Know Your Values
Your calendar and spending habits can tell you a lot about your values. Another way to dig deeper? Try keeping a daily log. Just jot down a sentence or two about what you did each day. At the end of the month, look back and see what truly brought you joy. Those are your core values.
Once you’re clear on your values, saying “no, thank you” to things that don’t align with them becomes much easier. Let your values be your North Star.
3. Recognize the Season of Life You’re In
Are you juggling major projects? Caring for loved ones? Or maybe enjoying some extra free time? Knowing where you stand right now helps frame your decisions. Sometimes “no, thank you” really means “not at the moment.”
4. Pay Attention to What Drains You and What Fuels You
This is where that daily log comes in handy again. Take note of the activities that fill you up versus the ones that drain your energy. Align your “yes” with the things that feed your soul, and confidently say “no, thank you” to the things that deplete you.
5. Focus on Where You’re Headed
Take a moment to imagine five years from now. Where has your North Star taken you? What are you working on? How do you play? What brings you joy?
Imagining where you want to be makes it easier to prioritize. Say “yes” to the things that will keep you on your path to your North Star and “no, thank you” to the distractions that pull you off course.
6. Practice Makes Perfect
It might feel a bit silly, but practice saying “no, thank you” out loud. Stand in front of a mirror and pretend you’re in a situation where you need to set a boundary. Feel the words in your mouth. Get comfortable with the sensation of saying it.
Then try it in real life. Just say it and let it hang there—no explanations needed. You might be surprised at how freeing it feels. And you’ll likely find that people aren’t as disappointed as you feared.
The best part? The more comfortable you get with saying “no,” the easier it becomes to say a wholehearted “yes” to the things that truly matter to you.
I would love to hear how you’re navigating your "no’s"—what strategies are working for you?
Joni
